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Among my friends, I’m known as a good listener. But whenever my friends said that, I often wondered what it is that I did that helped me gain that reputation. After reading several books on social skills, conversations, listening, and making yourself unforgettable, I think I finally pieced together some of the traits of good listeners.
Here is what I learned with books and resources attached to each tip:
Listen with intention
From Make yourself Unforgettable by Dale Carnegie, I realized that listening is something that you do with full attention and intention. Dale talks about how there are different levels of listening. You are probably familiar with a few of these yourself. For example, the most basic level is where you are not listening at all. You may be doing something else. You may be purposely ignoring the person. There’s another level where you are listening to someone, but not really listening to them. You nod your head. You say yes or uh huh in agreement. But you are trying to get out of the conversation as fast as possible.
If you cannot provide your full attention to listening to someone, just say so. “I’m sorry, I’m not able to give you my full attention right now”. And then tell them when you can. But if you tell someone that you are going to listen to them, do so…
